ATARAXIA PERFUME VESTIBULE 50ML EXTRAIT DE PARFUM SPRAY

Going down the stairs, my father greeted him and asked him how it had gone. They talked a bit while I sat halfway up the stairs, looking at them. I felt a little tired, having woken up early that day. As he was about to leave the house, my father began to giggle and told him with a mocking smile, "You know, he wants to paint now, too," as if the only thing they had in common was that they were watching a failure. Me. This wingless bird, unable to stop jumping off the tree only to crash into the mud below. Too insignificant to tell him to stop trying, they just looked and smiled. It amused my father.

- What did you do?

- Ugh... I wanted to tear the flesh off. It was horrible, and I was furious. It didn't help that my teacher was stunned by what he said. He confirmed how serious the situation was. I didn't say anything. I know that in itself it may not seem like a big deal, but that's how I lived my entire childhood, feeling inadequate, mocked, scolded and blamed for things I couldn't even understand. Maybe if I had known what I was doing wrong, it wouldn't have been so bad. The confusion, I think, really blew me away. I was daydreaming about the day I die and they will regret everything. Finally they will love me.

- From what you told me last week, I understand that over the years you have made peace with this thing?

- Mh... more or less. I know it wasn't done with malice.

- Most likely. It can still affect you. The cause is rarely the most important thing. Knowing how to move forward is. I only asked you because I wanted to understand how you related to the problem at the time. Intention is not directly related to the outcome. And I have taken note of suicidal thoughts, we will talk about them again in the next session.

- Ok. But don't take it too seriously, I was just a teenager in anguish. So, back to the intent and the result... Well, of course, it had the exact opposite effect. Later, perhaps unconsciously, as much as people tried to lock me in a box, I wanted more and more to get out of it. For every rule they imposed, I felt I had to break it. For everything they said I couldn't do, I had to try. Not doing so was like not breathing. Hmm... Sure, it sounds a bit toxic and a little too dramatic said out loud, but that was the only way I knew how to move forward. To be told what to do and who to be every single day was horrible, it fried my brain. It seems that if I don't go completely against the norm now, I give up and am essentially defeated. Dead. I really don't want to live my life feeling dead. Not now. Adult life must be about more than jeans and bragging about being addicted to coffee. I'd rather have you tear out my eyes than make me wear a blue bottle.